Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
