No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
