if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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