The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
