I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
