Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
