I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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