no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
