i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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