Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
