who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
