So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
