Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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