hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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