I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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