It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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