She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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