So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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