After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found your dick twin last night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
