So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
