Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
