Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
