You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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