We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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