Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
