Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
