Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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