Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
