Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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