I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
