Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
