So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
