i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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