I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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