The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
