do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
