i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
