Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
