you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
