Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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