It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
