I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
