brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
