So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
