you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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