I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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