How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
