Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
