We won't sleep together?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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