I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
