My pussy is not your playground.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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