you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
