Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
