so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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